A friend told me she wanted her son and daughter-in-law to adopt a baby because they had tried all possible ways to have their “own child.”
She asked me to help her convince them. I declined. I understood why my answer surprised and angered her. She and I often talked about my passion for adoption. I explained my response:
First things first.
I recommend taking the time to honestly evaluate yourself and your family with the help of an adoption counselor. The first question to ask is: “Are you called to adopt or is it your alternative to having a biological child?”
The call to adopt is a soul-deep strong love for an orphan. It becomes a driving force to do whatever is required in the adoption process.
If, adopting a child is an alternative rather than a calling, then, most likely there will be an inner struggle of acceptance within the parent, the child, and any other children in the family. I’ve talked with many adoptive children who believe their parents chose them out of pain from fertility issues rather than love. A child should not have to take on the difficult responsibility of filling a need for their parents. It’s too much. An adopted child has already experienced the loss of their biological family and needs to know they are loved.
Yes. It’s amazing when the struggle and sorrow of fertility issues and any other life challenges lead to the joy of adoption; however, adoptive parents and family need to work through the hurt and pain of this kind of catalyst. The effort of working through the grief of life-challenges is one of the most valuable gifts given to the adopted child as well as the whole family. When the decision to adopt comes from soul-deep love, the dynamics change.
Healing brings clarity and the ability to lean into the call to adopt.
It’s unusual, but I received the call to adopt at age five. Think about it: As a child, I had a fierce soul-deep love for a child to be born decades later.
Soul-deep love is a gift from God.
To this day, my parents say they have no idea how I knew about adoption. They had never talked about adoption between themselves or with me. But. I knew it was mine to do. Never discount a child’s calling.
I had complete certainty about my call to adopt when I met my husband; however, he had never thought about adoption. I talked with him multiple times, explaining I had to know that he was called to adopt before we could marry. We’ve joked about the fact that he really did not know what adoption meant; however, he thought I was cute so he said, “Yes.”
It took time for him to understand adoption requires more than agreeing to do it. Looking backwards, we both see how his call to be an adoptive father had to be his own.
The Reality Of The Call
It felt like heaven and earth collided when I first came face to face with our son, Tim. I can’t begin to tell you the power of the love that came in our first few minutes together.
Tim’s biological mother is a part of my call to adopt. I don’t know her name or circumstances but I know her heart. I know her love went soul-deep, connecting us for a life-time. The reality of what she had to do as a mother is beyond imagination.
I’m certain deep pain came with the decision to allow Tim to be adopted. I want her to know:
“ I’m changed because of your selfless generosity and love. Thank you. I’m grateful beyond words. I know your decision cost you great pain; however, you accepted the pain to give him the opportunity to live his best.
If, you could see him now, I know you would see what I see: He’s a generous man, wanting the best life for anyone and everyone. It’s your gift in him and a catalyst to his life-mission: “Love all. Serve all.
Your generosity and love is deep within, defining his identity, guiding him as a man.
I pray your heart is at peace and you know you are loved.”
The call to adopt is a soul-deep call to love an orphan. Is it your call?